18th July, 2014

Scared as hell.

I know I’ve always wanted to have kids.  But heck, I’d like to have ‘em when I know I can support them and I already have my own house.  Each day freaks me out or I just don’t know if my tummy is really big because I’m fat.  

I’ve been googling a lot and it makes things worse.  I’m becoming bit by bit paranoid because of what I see and what I read.  It’s been a week since, well, we did it. And I don’t feel good about it. I don’t like the fact that I’ve put my defenses down for him… well, not this early.  

I want him to go on a mission, and I need to finish my Master’s degree.  That’s our priority right now.  

To stop this paranoia, I’ve decided to measure my tummy everyday and count how many times I’ll be urinating in a day (since Google shows that constant urinating is a sign of pregnancy, heck).  I really am a constipated person, and I’ve been farting a lot lately (yes, fart.) Google says accumulation of gas and constipation may be either a sign of premenstrual syndrome or pregnancy.

Oh Good Lord.  I sure wish I’m not pregnant.  I wish it’s July 24 already. (Since the last week of the month is when I have my period.)

I really do hope I don’t get morning sickness… or nausea, the vomiting thingy or in tagalog, naduduwal.

Oh please, not this time.  I know I like to have kids but not now please God.

P.S.

TO MY FRIENDS WHO KNOW ME OUTSIDE TUMBLR:

WHAT YOU SEE ON MY TUMBLR BLOG STAYS ON TUMBLR.

17th July, 2014

“Love is not skin deep. A relationship gets better when the connection of the minds is present. Not only fingers intertwined but also thoughts. Because when you’re in a relationship with someone, being attracted physically is just the tip of the iceberg. It gets bigger and better when you go deeper.”

— Joyce (eli-sions)